perhaps

Perhaps I didn't love enough
to change
the one i loved so
to allow for understanding
of the importance of things
the motivation to keep going
in spite of the lack thereof
how i wish I could change the arguments
and take back every mean thing i ever said
and love you more
maybe you'd still be here
but then is that the best thing?

Perhaps I'm not the best thing
maybe you'd be better off with someone who didn't love you the same way
and let you spend your days wallowing
thinking that it was ok
because you know she wouldn't understand

I don't know if i'll find another who understands the darkness
and calls me out of my blue
when i'd rather sit in the depths of solitude
tied up in my thoughts, but not of you

i never questioned your love, i knew it from the start
perhaps that was taken for granted, in fact it is that I know
now that I'm not sure of anything anymore
not able to trust my own reality, unable to be supported by the glass floor
with doubt as the support
it is fragile and collapse is the only end
that i'll foresee

so i'll unpack my bags and see the memories
the flood will come
but it will recede....
perhaps
and i'll rebuild the piers and levies to hold
my love again

I love you more than I've ever known
perhaps it was my need to help and fix the problems that I saw
but I was wrong, and you were wrong
and the glue made up of love and laughter isn't enough to hold the glass together
so it fell apart in my hands
the shards are cutting and blood runs
but I will clean up the mess and the wounds will heal in time
it just doesn't feel like it will
but thats the only way
perhaps...